Question:
Now that I have been learning CT/RT and have bought into the theory, I
find myself being very judgmental of others who use external control. I
find it difficult because I always feel the need to interject my
thoughts onto others who are using external control. Do you find this
difficult? How do you deal with other using external control?
Answer:Yes, it is
difficult not to be judgmental of those using external control. I find
the best way for me is to remind myself that not everyone thinks like I
do and they certainly have a right to do it their way. I just remind
myself to stay true to my course and at every opportunity, I try to ask
questions of the external control people about how what they do is
working for them. I am also prepared to take it further if they say it
works, great! For example, do you think that person will now do what
you are asking when you aren’t around? What do you think he is
thinking? What do you think he will do when you are out of sight? Do
you think you are strengthening or weakening your relationship? Do you
think relationships are important? Do you find him responding to anyone
else better than he responds to you? What do you think the difference
is?
Remember, we know learning is best done inside out.
You need to function as a self-evaluation facilitator instead of giving
your unsolicited opinion. Eventually, many of those you are attempting
to influence will “get it.” The other thing you need to remember is
your relationship with them. You will lose your ability to influence
them without a positive relationship. You can’t get them to give up
their external control if you are attempting to externally control
them. Remember, they are doing the best they know how at this point in
time to get something they want. They need to be invited to try an
potentially better way.
